Someday When I Stop Loving You
by filesfreak4life
Summary: A little Leyton O/S about how absurd it is to try and stop loving the person you are meant to be with...


Okay, so I admit that songs inspire me… and they do, but I've never really written a "song" fic per se, so here is my first attempt, based on the song "Someday When I Stop Loving You" by Carrie Underwood, off her new CD _Play On._ Hope you enjoy it, and you all know how I feel about this whole thing with the book signing being a MASSIVE Leyton turning point for them…. So… here goes… enjoy!!

--

When she stepped into the book store that afternoon, she had to admit that she was scared. After a proposal that went horribly wrong, she didn't know where they stood. Her heart was still with him, as if it could ever not be in love with a man whose book was an open love letter to her.

Her heart swelled just glancing at the picture of him, displayed for all to see. This boy that she feels like she's known all her life. This boy who she's probably been meant to be with for just as long. This boy who she is so proud of that it makes her heart burst.

No matter what had happened, he still wanted her there. He called, and asked to share this with her, and she couldn't very well say no… she never could say no when it came to him. Something that got the two of them in trouble a time or two, or three, but something that gave them more than they bargained for as well.

--

When he walked in that morning, he could care less about books and about promotions and fans. All his mind circled on was one thing. Peyton. The girl who had inspired him to write the very novel that these people were celebrating. He had called her earlier that week telling her that he had a book signing. Of course she already knew. No matter what had happened between them, they were still Lucas and Peyton. They were the ones that everyone swore would end up together, which was why those months earlier when he proposed and she said "someday" it came as such a shock to him and everyone else.

But she had said yes to this suggestion. She would be there, and everything else was just set aside. Lindsey thought that his absentmindedness was just nerves for his first major market signing. She knew that the Lucas and Peyton in the story were no longer a couple, per say. She was probably the only one who didn't know that it didn't mean that they weren't still together. Everyone else understood that this was just a waiting period, because Lucas and Peyton always ended up together. It was inevitable.

So, now, all he could do was wait, and all he could look for in the crowd of people was a curly haired, skinny, blond girl who he had dreamed about since he was fourteen and just realizing who girls were.

--

She had skipped the line, knowing that all she had to do was say that her name was Peyton Sawyer and the whole crowd would split, judging by the way they were clutching their copies of his novel. Then, she turned the corner and saw her. She was a beautiful woman. She was a beautiful woman who seemed quite cozy with him, right up next to his side, kissing him on the cheek in a way that proved to be a little more intimate than just a friend.

Then, she did what she's always done best. She ran. Pushing her way out onto the sidewalk with tears streaming down her face. Maybe she had read into the invitation more than he had wanted her to. Maybe they weren't what everyone thought that they were.

--

When Lindsey snuck up to his side, kissing his cheek and telling him how meaningful this book was to her, he didn't know what to do. He wasn't conflicted, because in his mind, the blond he fell in love with was going to pop around that corner, a wily mess of curls, and everything was going to finally fall into place. So, he sat, claiming that everyone was here, but secretly surprised that Peyton Sawyer wasn't first in line that day.

But she didn't come, and he gave up. Maybe it was too hard. Maybe they were wrong. Everyone was wrong. You don't fall in love with someone you never speak to at fourteen and confess to your best friend that you're going to marry that someone someday. You don't hold onto big declarations made in the red bedroom of that same someone when you're seventeen and life hasn't happened to you yet. And maybe you can't take back a proposal made far too soon in that someone's eyes.

So, when the last book was signed, he realized, she had moved on, and he turned to that other woman, considering her for a moment.

"Lindsey?"

"yeah?"

"Would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight?"

The way he said it made it sound like a date, which was exactly his intention. If Peyton had moved on, then he was going to as well. He liked Lindsey, and she was a great woman, but maybe there could be something more there. Maybe he could find what he thought he had with someone else.

"Yeah, Luke, that would be nice." She says, tucking a light brown piece of hair behind her ear in a shy way that made him blink. He knew of another girl that used to do that too… but that was beside the point.

--

Luke had obviously moved on, so when this Julian boy decided that he needed to invite her to a party, his party, she accepted the invitation. He was cute, witty, and he wasn't Lucas.

And after the party, when he invited her to dinner, she said yes.

"So, what brought you out to L.A.?"

"Music… well, I thought music…"

"And now, not so much?"

"I don't know. I want to change the industry, you know? I don't want it to be a popularity contest, I want it to be about quality music, and changing lives."

"Oh, trust me, I get that."

"You do?" she says, raising an eyebrow in doubt at the man she just met.

"Why do you think I'm not Spielberg?" he say, getting a small chuckle out of her, "I won't buy into the party line. I want to make movies that mean something to somebody. I don't need the Drew Barrymores and the Julias… I want the story that just tears your heart out."

She considers that for a moment, excited to meet someone that understood what she was there for, and they talk. They talk for hours, and she finds herself a little smitten with this Julian character. Probably more so than she should, just having had her heart broken again by the boy she thought she was meant for.

Days later, she sees _him_ though. Stepping onto a city bus bound for the airport with that woman from the book store.

_One foot on the bus bout half past nine_

_I knew that you were leaving this time_

_I thought about laying down in its path_

_Thinking that you might get off for that_

It breaks her heart again, knowing that he didn't see her. It breaks her heart more knowing that even if he did, it might not have changed anything.

--

It's a month after the L.A. signing when he realizes that maybe this is going to be harder that he thinks it is.

He and Lindsey have become quite the pair, but are still taking it slow, and if he's being honest with himself, maybe it's because when she kisses him he doesn't feel what he knows it should feel like.

But she's liked, and she actually becomes closer to Haley than he thought that she would. The two went to blows a few times when Haley came with him to help with his novel, but now that they were dating, something that surprised all of his friends, she's accepted her. Unknowingly, it's Haley who makes him realize that all may not be well with Lindsey.

"Okay, so why are we here?"

"Ummm…" Haley says, looking around the café to make sure no one is within ear shot.

"Hales?" he says, noticing her apprehension.

"I think I'm pregnant."

His eyebrows raise and a smile come across his face at the mere thought of another little nephew or niece.

"We weren't joking about those Scott genes, were we…"

"Lucas! I'm serious! I'm freaking out here!"

"Okay, but why?"

"Why!? You're seriously going to sit here and ask me that knowing that I have a kid still in diapers, I'm still in school, and your brother is still in school?"

"but Haley…"

"No but Haley! Lucas, this is big!"

"I know that it's big, but I'm telling you that it isn't that big of a deal. Nathan loves you, and you're a wonderful mom, and I will be here to help you guys out all that you need."

She squints her eyes at him for a minute, thinking about the calmness he is trying to get to rub off on her. "What about you and Lindsey?"

"What _about_ me and Lindsey?"

"Where are you guys headed?"

"Haley… where is this coming from?"

"I'm just saying… I like the girl, and I'm wondering what you're thinking right now."

"I'm thinking how did we get from talking about you being pregnant to me and Lindsey and the state of our relationship."

"I always said that you'd be next for the marriage and the babies, Lucas Scott, and I don't doubt that…"

She did always say that, but he knew who she always pictured. Hell, he knew who _he_ always pictured all those things with.

_I remember that night we laid in bed_

_Naming all our kids that we hadn't had yet_

_One for your grandma and one for mine_

_Said we'd draw straws when it came time_

They used to talk late at night, laying in her bedroom or sitting on the table by the rivercourt. They'd dream of babies with blond ringlets and blue eyes. She'd talk about their house with a red bedroom but a white picket fence. They were too young to even consider any of that, but they didn't care, because they were in love.

"Luke?" she says, noticing that he had completely spaced out on her.

"It isn't Lindsey…" he says, with a sadness in his voice that she knew was coming.

"I know."

He looks up at her then, "then why—"

"Because I wanted you to realize it before you both got too deep in. I like her Luke, but she isn't the girl whose name you wrote with yours."

"Yeah…"

"So…" she says, trying to get a plan out of him.

He broke up with Lindsey that night, glad that they hadn't gone any farther than sweet kisses and declarations of really liking the other one. Surprisingly, she understood, claiming that part of her knew she would have always competed for his heart with the dramatic cheerleader from his novel.

But after that, he didn't know what to do… because, as far as he knew, she was gone… She had moved on.

--

Peyton and Julian were probably just as good as Lindsey and Lucas, but Peyton was lying if she said that he wasn't just holding a spot in her life while she waited.

"Peyt, you've gotta come with me to this thing!"

"Julian, I'm not feeling it today, babe."

"Please…" he says, putting his lower lip out a little bit and kissing her forehead in a way that didn't have nearly the same effect on her as when another boy used to do it.

"Fine…" she says, giving in, just like she always did when he turned on his charm.

They walked past a book store on the way to the small film festival that Julian had wanted to check out when she saw it. Three months after his stint in L.A. and there he was again. Well, it wasn't him, but his book. Number two on the bestseller list, right below an author that was a household name. She couldn't believe it. Well, she could, but she was just so happy for him that it was hard to control the tear that came to her eye when she saw his spot in that window.

Realizing that his girlfriend had stopped, he turned and walked back to her, finding her with a tear rolling down her cheek.

"You okay?" he says.

Brushing the tear away quickly, she nods and starts walking in the direction they were headed when she had stopped. He lingered behind though, looking in the window to see what would have caused a reaction from her like that. _An Unkindness of Ravens_. The novel that was forever a fixture in the life of the woman he was quickly falling in love with.

She knew as soon as he reached her again that this wasn't going to be the most comfortable of evenings with her boyfriend. But he kept it civil. He kept it civil until that evening when they got back to her apartment.

"When is it going to stop being the be all end all of your life Peyton?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"The sun doesn't rise and fall around Lucas Scott!" he says, it coming out a lot harsher than he had meant it to.

"Well, aren't you being an insecure dick?" she says with a bite to her that he had come to love.

"I'm just sick of playing second to a guy that you had a thing with in high school. It's over Peyton… high school is over with, and you've got to grow up and move on!"

"I have moved on!" she says, throwing her hands up.

"Really?"

"yes!" she says, trying to convince herself of the fact.

"Then what's with the waterworks in front of the book store."

"He just… he's a bestseller. I'm proud of him. I don't have to still be in love with him just because I'm proud of him. We were friends before everything else. I'm _just_ proud of him."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Julian," she says, moving closer to him and placing her hands on his upper arms, "I'm with you now… it's… I'm with you."

"Peyton…"

She kisses him then, hoping to get him to stop doubting her, all the while trying to stop doubting herself at the same time.

_I'll move on, baby just like you_

_When the desert floods and the grass turns blue_

_When a sailing ship don't need her moon_

_It'll break my heart but I'll get through_

_Someday when I stop loving you_

"He moved on, and so have I…"

"Are you sure?"

She nods, with a smile she can only hope comes across as genuine to him. Besides, there was only one person who could ever call her out on hiding her real emotions.

That night, sleeping in his arms, she knows that it's wrong. She knows that it isn't him, but he moved on, and so will she. She can stop loving him…she can…

--

It took him six months after Los Angeles and four months after his breakup with Lindsey to get up enough courage to book a flight to L.A. again. He didn't know where she lived anymore, but hoped that she was in the same place. He didn't know if she worked in the same place as before. He just knew that if he didn't try again, he would never forgive himself. He wouldn't be able to live with it knowing that he didn't try again.

But that didn't matter, because it seemed that fate had all of the world at its mercy that day he arrived in L.A. Whether it was for the good or for the bad, he didn't know though, because he saw that curly blond in the airport that day. He saw that curly blond in the airport with another guy.

He walked off his flight, trying to figure out where he should start, maybe settling on going over to her apartment to see if she was still living in the same place. He didn't expect to see her after he got through security kissing another man.

He watched as she kissed him goodbye and he walked to his flight. Then he saw the small smile that came across her features as she turned around, not seeing him, but turning and walking out of the airport. With that smile on her face, a smile that he thought was reserved for those times that she was thinking of him. And a little part of him broke down when he turned around and found the first flight home.

_I bet all I had on a thing called love_

_I guess in the end it wasn't enough_

_And it's hard to watch you leave right now_

_I'm gonna have to learn to let you go somehow_

_Somehow_

--

"I need advice…"

"_Peyton?"_

"Okay, I know that I'm kind of a bitch for not calling and I know that I'm horrible to call you and have issues to vent about when I haven't talked to you in a few months, but I'm sorry…"

"_Peyton, what the hell is going on?"_

"I broke up with Julian."

"_What!? Are you okay?"_

"Yes, I'm fine. It was inevitable. I knew that it was going to happen, and so did he."

"_Lucas?"_

"How did you know?"

"_You're kidding me right?"_

Peyton rolls her eyes, knowing where this conversation was going. "Brooke, it's just like every time I try to stop. Every time I try to move on, I can't do it. I can't see it. Julian wasn't it."

"_I could have told you that, P. Sawyer…"_ she says softly on the other line, "_What happened_?"

"I went to put Lucas' book in my carryon, and he saw, but for once, he didn't say anything… and then we got to the airport to go off to some random film festival, and he just turned to me with this look in his eye… like he knew that I wasn't his anymore. Then he said that he knew that it was over."

"_Wow."_

"I think he loved me… which made it so much harder."

"_So what are you going to do?"_

"The last time I saw him… he was with someone new. He's moved on."

"_You're fooling yourself if you think that the other girl even stands a chance against you. That boy has always been head over heels in love with you."_

"Brooke."

"_Peyton… call him."_

"I can't just call him out of the blue like this. I wouldn't even know what to say to him."

"_How about 'Sorry I was an idiot and didn't say yes to your proposal, I changed my mind… let's get married and have a lot of babies?'"_

She just laughs, loving that her best friend can totally make this dramatic situation as simple as anything else. Maybe it really was that simple. Maybe this whole time while she was moving on, or acting like she was, he was just going through the motions too.

_I'll move on, baby, just like you_

_When the desert floods and the grass turns blue_

_When a sailing ship don't need her moon_

_It'll break my heart but I'll get through_

_Someday when I stop loving you_

--

"So you saw her at the airport, and you didn't say anything?"

He nods, not saying anything but confirming what she thought.

"Lucas, you idiot!! We sat in this very café a few months ago with you telling me that you couldn't be with another girl. Peyton was the one for you. Peyton was the one that you were meant to be with. You were going to marry her, start a family. And you finally see her, and you don't say a WORD?" She says, hitting him once before starting her rant and another time to emphasize that she thought he was an idiot.

"She was with someone else!"

"So!!!!! When has that ever stopped either of you."

"Haley, that was high school. We aren't the same people."

"Lucas, you need to call her. Because I'm pretty sure that she would drop everything to be with you."

"I saw her with him, Haley. She kissed him goodbye and then she smiled. It was this happy little Peyton smile that told me that she was more than okay with that man."

"I don't believe it for a second." She says, shaking her head.

--

A few weeks later, Haley got a call from someone that she never expected.

"Brooke?"

"_Hey Tutor wife… how's my godson?"_

"He's… great. How are you?"

"_Oh, I'm fine… Lucas and Peyton… not so much."_

Haley laughs out loud at that, knowing exactly what her friend meant.

"Who's the guy?"

"_What guy?"_

"The one from the airport."

"_Wait… have you talked to her?"_

"Nope, but Lucas saw them…"

"_What?! How?"_

"He went to L.A."

"_Oh, you've got to be kidding me… please tell me he was going to L.A. to find her and convince her to marry him and put us all out of our misery already."_

Haley laughs, a loud, long laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

"Something like that. So, explain the guy."

"_There is no guy anymore. They broke up at the airport that day."_

"You've got to be kidding me…"

"_Talk about fate with these guys, right? So what are we going to do?"_

"What do you mean?"

"_Well, knowing Lucas, he's given up all hope because he thought that she had moved on."_

"And knowing Peyton, she can't get up the guts to just call him."

"_Why did we have to pick such broody best friends?"_

"I have no clue."

Then began the plan to reunite everyone, trying to convince them that they were meant to be together after all of these years. Or rather trying to convince them to speak so they could actually be together after all these years.

--

What a better reason to come home than a birthday party. And seeing as it was a birthday party for two very important two year olds, they knew that they had to be there or risk being cut out of everyone's lives.

When she walked in the door, his breath caught, he admits it. She had a simple light blue summery dress on, and her hair was a bit long than it had been in the past. She was beautiful, but she wasn't his. Not anymore.

And when he saw his nephew walk over to her outstretched arms without so much as a look to his mother, his breath caught again, and he tried to fall out of love with her. He tried with all he could to not notice how the eyes of his mother and his best friend wouldn't leave his face.

With Lily in his arms, he had the excuse to walk over and say hello, as he saw her looking around for the other birthday child.

"Lily! You've gotten so big!" she says, knowing full well that the girl probably doesn't remember her at all, which is proven when the girl buries her head in her brother's shoulder.

"Oh, come on Lil, you remember Peyton! You know, aside from your big brother, she was the first one who ever got to hold you."

--

When those words came out of his mouth, she had to bite her lip. It was true, and she remembers those days, with all of them so scared for his mom, and the two of them trying to figure out how they were going to take care of Lily while his mother was in the hospital. It went back to Lucas and Peyton against the world.

But he wasn't hers anymore, and seeing him here with his family again and seeing all of them, knowing that they were just watching the two blonds interact was killing her.

That was until that little dark haired girl turned and put her hands out, "Peyton."

Then it didn't matter anymore. It was them against the world again, and they almost shared that same look again. That look they shared in the hospital that day that spoke volumes about their future and the possibilities that it held. A future that was nowhere to be seen now.

"Come on Lily, let's go find Jamie and Nathan and go play outside!"

"Kay!" she said, searching for her cousin from Peyton's arms.

Then she could breathe again, sitting outside with the kids and Nathan, watching them run around the small yard behind Lucas' childhood home.

"They got so big so fast!" she says, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Well, that's what happens when you ditch us for L.A."

"yeah…" she says, knowing that he was just saying that he missed her.

"I'm not the only one who missed you Sawyer, you know that."

"I know that you and Haley must miss the pants off of me."

"That's not who I'm talking about, and you know it." He says, catching her eyes that had been focused on the ground beneath her.

"Nathan…"

"Ladies and Gentleman, Brooke Davis is in the House!!! Or… outside of the house actually." The brunette shouts, stepping out to see Peyton and Nathan watching the kids.

"Brooke!" Peyton says, quickly getting to her feet to hug her best friend, "God, I missed you."

"I missed you too P. Sawyer."

"What about me?" Nathan says, standing up and throwing his hands up in the air.

"I guess I missed you too Nate." She finally says, pulling him in for a hug.

"So, how is the great and famous Brooke Davis, and how is it that she could take the time out of her busy schedule to come to little old Tree Hill for a birthday party?" Peyton says with a hand to her heart, making a sarcastic dramatic gesture.

"Haha…" she says, bypassing her two friends and heading out to play with the kids.

Before long, all of the adults were outside, young and old, playing with the birthday kids, catching up with each other.

That's how they spent the rest of the day, but she couldn't help but avoid him. It was like L.A. nearly a year ago was some huge turning point for the two of them, and she couldn't let it go. It didn't look like he could either.

--

It was like she was torturing him. She was there, but she wasn't the Peyton that he knew. Even when they were dating other people they could still be friends. They would push it all aside to be there for each other no matter what, so this was killing him. She could barely look him in the eye, and save for a few instances where she would hand of a kid or ask him to pass something her way, they didn't speak.

And then she was gone. With a quick goodbye to everyone, himself included, he saw her make plans with Haley and Brooke for lunch the next day and mention that she was staying at her dad's place, and then she left.

Cleaning up in the kitchen later, he was taking it all out on the pans… something he's done since he was a little boy, and forced to do it as a chore. As he got older though, it was therapeutic.

"So, you kind of ruined my plan." Haley says, walking up behind him and starting on drying the dishes that he had already washed.

"Really? And what plan was that?"

"You didn't even talk to her Luke."

"What's the point, Haley? She obviously didn't want to be talking to me… so there was no point in making the effort."

"Okay…" she says, grabbing his shoulders and forcing him to face her. "You need to talk to her."

"What good is that going to do? She's with—"

"No one. She isn't with anyone, Lucas. What you saw in the airport was a goodbye kiss, and a mutual breakup."

"Well, if that's true, then why didn't she say anything…"

"Probably because the last time she saw you, you were with Lindsey."

"What?"

And that was the last thing he said to Haley before walking out of the door and straight over to a house that he was so familiar with it still drew up memories so vivid to him.

He wasn't surprised to hear the lyrics of some sappy ballad pouring through her speakers from her bedroom.

"You haven't changed…"

She looked up from her spot on the bed, meeting his eyes and taking in a shaky breath.

"You always put on the sappy ballads when you've got a lot to think about."

"Yeah…"

"I can't stop."

"What?"

"I can't stop loving you. I tried, Peyton, but you are still a part of me, and I can't change that. I don't want to. I flew to L.A. to find you again, and I saw you in the airport. I saw you with another guy, and I thought that you were gone. And all I could think of was that I had to move on. I had to move on, because you already did."

"We were through… that day in the airport. We ended things. I didn't even know that you—"

"I know. I gave up. I saw you walk out and I just realized that I had to figure out a way to let you go."

"You never had to let me go, Lucas… I've always been here." She says, standing from her spot to move beside him.

"No matter what happened, you were in my head, Peyton, I couldn't stop loving you, and I don't want to."

"Then don't." she says, leaning in to kiss him after so long apart.

_I'll move on, baby, just like you_

_When the desert floods and the grass turns blue_

_When a sailing ship don't need her moon_

_It'll break my heart but I'll get through_

_Someday when I stop loving you_

_Someday when I stop loving you_

_--_

The End.

Okay, I loved this song just because the chorus is so obviously trying to show that there are those people that you are meant to love. And then it just talks about the absurdity (grass turning blue and the desert flooding) of stopping your love for that person. No matter what you have, you've got to face that love, cause the chance of a love that is meant to be going away, is just as likely as the desert turning into an ocean.

Just a little one shot… hope you liked it.


End file.
